humansofny
@humansofny 538 characters
05.06.2018 - 1 weeks ago
“I was not a tough kid growing up. I was timid. I was very sensitive to pain in other kids. I never wanted to do anything that made people feel worse than they already did. And God forbid I ever hurt somebody. That would just destroy me. I’m having to learn to dial that back as an adult. There’s such a thing as being too compassionate. If you’re too scared of causing pain, you can easily be manipulated. Your fear becomes a button to be pushed. In my last relationship, I was made to feel hurtful or aggressive whenever I stood up for myself. So I always backed down. I’ve got to learn the line between being compassionate and being a doormat.”
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When I was in middle school, I realized (with the help of a wise mother) I would be at risk for being in emotionally abusive relationships because I love to give - heart and soul. It's a conversation I have to have with myself all the time: "Is this person taking advantage of my kindness? Should I let them?" When it comes to romantic relationships, the answer is always, "No." A romantic relationship is a constant give and take. You give to that person, but they must also give to you. I had to learn to be comfortable asking my boyfriend to give, and trust that he would not feel bad or hurt to be asked to give what I needed. In fact, he gives so joyfully, I am always amazed and blessed. A giving person needs other people to give to them too. You deserve to be treated with the same love and compassion you give to others. If you are dating someone, and begin to see patterns of consistent selfishness, if you are the only one giving and are made to feel bad when you ask to be given to, I encourage you to evaluate the relationship to see if it's a healthy one to stay in! It's so great that you've recognized what happened in your last relationship (some people don't and they get trapped in a cycle of relationships all of the same kind). Don't give up being kind and compassionate, but never feel guilty for seeking relationships (with friends and in romance) where you will be cared for just as much as you care for others. There is an ocean of support here for you, and I pray you find it offline as well.
@its.nicole.osj
Wow something I’m learning now for the same reason
@____ayeesha pssshhhh
@_awsnabeel_ it’s a good lesson
@____ayeesha mine is not that bad lol
@lindsaylooney so relatable
Smashing
@dana_michelled